Communication isn't about how much you say but whether each person grasps the other's perspective. If your partner is a reluctant talker, you may be unwittingly fueling his reticence. When he states his case, do you launch a counterattack? Criticize his reasoning? Get upset? If so, he may keep quiet for a reason.
The Most Useful Communication Technique of All Time is deceptively simple, but it works like magic. Next time your partner makes a point, take a moment to digest whatever he is saying. Then say it back to him.
Maybe not word for word, but you have to get the gist—and you can't stop trying until your partner agrees you've nailed it. Switch roles and repeat.
Once you're not so busy explaining yourself to someone who just doesn't get it, you can look for compromise.
Before I started grad school and officially drank the psychotherapy Kool-Aid, I used to mock this technique as a way to wrap gauze around discord: "I'm hearing that you're a pathetic jerk." "Well, I'm hearing that you're a total loser. " But once I tried it, I realized that "I'm hearing…" isn't just psychobabble.
It telegraphs the message "I'm listening to you because what you have to tell me is important." And that's the single most important thing couples can say to each other.
By Darby Saxbe
The Most Useful Communication Technique of All Time is deceptively simple, but it works like magic. Next time your partner makes a point, take a moment to digest whatever he is saying. Then say it back to him.
Maybe not word for word, but you have to get the gist—and you can't stop trying until your partner agrees you've nailed it. Switch roles and repeat.
Once you're not so busy explaining yourself to someone who just doesn't get it, you can look for compromise.
Before I started grad school and officially drank the psychotherapy Kool-Aid, I used to mock this technique as a way to wrap gauze around discord: "I'm hearing that you're a pathetic jerk." "Well, I'm hearing that you're a total loser. " But once I tried it, I realized that "I'm hearing…" isn't just psychobabble.
It telegraphs the message "I'm listening to you because what you have to tell me is important." And that's the single most important thing couples can say to each other.
By Darby Saxbe
Starting a Money Conversation with Your Spouse: A Script for Couples
Money often causes couples to fight, but it doesn't have to—even during tough times. Use this script to start a conversation with your partner.First, keep in mind the best time to have any emotion-packed conversation is when both of you are not tired or hungry. Pick as calm a time as possible.
Here is an example of how to get the conversation started...
I know we haven't talked about he money problems much, and I want to make sure you know how I love you very much, and I know this might be a hard time for both of us.
But I want us to remember that we meant it when we said "for better or for worse," and thank goodness we have our health.
I want to make sure we have our love and that no matter what we stay close and not allow this financial problem to come between us in any way.
I want us to be able to help each other, bounce ideas off of each other and be able to speak without blaming each other.
So I feel we haven't really been able to sit and talk about this, and I just wanted to get started by hearing what you think we need to do.
Perhaps we should put everything on paper and talk about some ideas that each of us can work on or find different people to talk to about ideas to help us through this.
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