Makeover Madness

Makeover madness, plastic surgery, and being happy with who you are.
I just saw something really sad.

I was flipping through channels, trying to see if there was anything on, and I landed on what I found out was MTV. The show was "I Want to Look Like Someone Famous", or something like that.

I've noticed that there has been an onslaught of such shows.
Everyday people going under the knife to look like someone else.

Not subtle little changes like hair coloring or whitening their smile, but drastic makeover changes like chin implants, nose jobs and complete body changes all in the course of a few weeks to look like someone else.

These are perfectly acceptable looking people wanting to look like someone famous.
They are so uncomfortable with who they are, with being in their own skin, that they are willing to put their lives and faces in danger for a makeover to "become" someone else.
I look at the stretch marks forming across my nine-month expectant-mother frame and think how with just a flick of a laser they could be gone.

I look at the wrinkles forming around my eyes and mouth and think how just a few injections of Botox could rid me of those nuisances.

But I realize what those marks are. Reminders of my life experiences!
I can point to which stretch marks are from Zach and which ones are from Selah, due to the different ways I've carried each. The wrinkles around my eyes and mouth are reminders of all the laughs and giggles I've had in my life.
I wouldn't change a one.

Look at your imperfections for what they are, YOURS. You are you, individual and beautiful.
I don't want to look like someone who is famous this year for their 15 minutes. Ten years from now, no one will know who they are, much less who you look like.

I don't want my children to think that their value is found in someone else's fame. They are loved for who they are. They are special for who they are. A makeover will not make them more special.

I heard it best put by the man himself, Fred Rogers. People are like fish. Everyone is fancy in their own way; some on the inside and some on the outside. You just need to figure out how you're fancy and know that no one can take that away from you, unless you let them.

10 Signs You Should Dump Him by New Year’s

Having doubts about your dude?

Read on to find out if you should give him the boot before New Year's.

1. When you ask to speak to him about moving in, he schedules the talk for June.

2. Each time after sex, he grabs a private notebook from his bag and scribbles something in it, giggling.

3. His friends call him by the nickname of Cheaty McGee.

4. He loves to touch you and kiss you and will do so just as soon as he powers up and finishes killing these level-four zombies. Die, video zombies, die!

5. His ring tone is "Baby Got Back."

6. The guy's elaborate excuse for not spending the holidays together includes training for an Ironman competition.

7. Mr. Reality still entertains the idea that he could be a "stripper choreographer."

8. He’s already written a scathing tell-all memoir of your relationship — and you’ve only been dating for two months.

9. He calls your mom "Mrs. Robinson" and stares at her way too intensely.

10. The big spender usually splurges and buys you awesome gifts, so it’d be a real shame to dump him before Christmas.

5 Times You Shouldn't Text Him

Firing off too many messages can kill a budding relationship

We tell you when to step away from the cell.

Casual electronic notes have become a huge part of dating, and experts speculate that texts have surpassed actual phone calls between many couples. So it's no wonder why you can find yourself with an itchy text-messaging trigger finger (or thumbs, rather) when in the throes of new love. But beware: There's such a thing as too much texting (what you might call TMT).

"Overdoing it can freak guys out," says relationship expert Arlene Krieger, PhD. "They feel pressured into sending an instantaneous response.

"There are several instances where texting can torpedo a relationship before it's barely gotten off the ground: After your first few dates.

It may be tempting to contact a guy after an amazing date, but resist the urge.

"Reaching out lessens the thrill of the chase for him," says psychologist Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of the upcoming book Love in 90 Days.

When you're drunk. Since phones don't come with Breathalyzers, it's up to you to stop yourself from sending a tipsy message — especially one that suggests you two meet up ASAP. "Being too available lets a guy know he has all the leverage," Krieger says.

When you're angry.

It's annoying when a guy flakes, but sending a "Why haven't you called me?!" inquiry makes you look massively insecure. Avoid angry texts once you're in a relationship too. "When it's in writing, you can't easily take it back," Kirschner says. It's even smart to ban bitchy humor, which can sound meaner than it is.When you're trying to be funny.

"When relayed nonverbally, sarcasm and joking can come off as aggressive," according to Kirschner. A dude could read a message like "OMG, you were out of control last night" literally, which makes you sound pissed when you were actually just fondly remembering his funny behavior.When you've already texted him that day.

Once you're in an ongoing relationship, you may be tempted to rely on texting as a regular form of communication, and there's nothing wrong with staying in touch that way sometimes. But electronic communication discourages phone conversations and one-on-one time. Also, guys like brief updates, not a blow-by-blow of your life.

What if His Parents Don't Like You?

What if His Parents Don't Like You?
Love the guy, but his mom and dad are pretty much evil incarnate. Here are four easy steps for how to handle his frosty folks. Buzz up!
By Julie Suratt

So you’ve met Mr. Right, and everything is damn near perfect.

There’s just one problem: Mama and Papa Right. Put simply, they don’t like you — and they’re not exactly shy about it. “Not only is it unpleasant for you to have to spend time with these people, but you also may worry that their disapproval could influence your guy’s feelings for you,” says therapist Lee Schnebly, author of Being Happy Being Married. So how do you get along so it’s not so freakin’ awkward? We’ve come up with a plan to handle those pain-in-the...er, we mean, his parents.

Step 1: Get Where They’re Coming From
Come on, how could anyone not love you? Well, experts say the most likely explanation is fear. “There’s an innate protective instinct to shut out the ‘intruder’ who’s invading their family,” says Schnebly.

Also, jealousy could be the issue. “His mom may feel that she’s being replaced,” says Bree Allinson, PhD, author of How to Deal with Your Mother-in-Law. So reassure her that she’s still number one by asking her for advice on your guy (like how to cook his favorite meal).

Another explanation: In many cases, parents feel threatened if you come from a different background. “Your values and religion may conflict with their own,” says Allinson. “They might worry that you’ll influence their son.” Without sacrificing your beliefs, show that you’re open to learning about theirs, so it’s clear that the two can coexist.

Step 2: Don’t Try to Be Best Friends
You don’t have to be buddy-buddy with his folks; you just have to get along. In fact, if you’re too eager to please, it could come across as fake and ass-kissy. On the other hand, don’t act in awe of them. Avoid the urge to force a familial relationship; these people are still essentially strangers. “Think of them as equals, not superiors,” advises Schnebly. “You’ll feel more at ease and really be yourself.”

Step 3: Make It Clear You Care About Him
Parents’ main concern is their child’s well-being, so they need reassurance that you won’t break their poor boy’s heart. “They won’t want to connect with you if they think you’re not there to stay,” says Leonard Felder, PhD, author of Wake Up or Break Up. Some suggestions: Hold his hand, kiss his cheek, or share a story about how he made you laugh. Once they know your feelings are authentic, they’ll begin to trust you.

Step 4: Last Resort
If after all that, his parents are still being evil, stand up for yourself. “If you refuse to be pushed around, they’ll show you the respect that you deserve,” says therapist Susan Forward, PhD, author of Toxic In-Laws. The next time they’re rude, Forward suggests saying, “Look, I don’t ask that you love me, but I’d like it if we could at least be civil.” Lay down the law now, because if you decide to marry this guy, the problems are only going to escalate.

Bonus: How to Wow His 'Rents
These three phrases will help you dazzle his mom and dad...

"I've heard such great things about you!" This surefire line not only butters up his parents but makes your sweetie look good too.

"What was he like as a kid?" Get them chatting about their all-time favorite subject — their son — and they'll be too distracted to notice you nervously biting your nails.

"It was so nice of you to invite me to your home/to dinner." Saying thank you shows that you're a girl with manners and lets them know how honored you are to be included.

Please; your comment will let me know if I passing a message.

Should You Move in With Your Guy?

If you and your man are thinking of living together, read this first.

By Molly Triffin

Eyebrows raised when Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel were recently spotted apartment-hunting in Manhattan. After all, shacking up is a serious—and sometimes controversial—step. “Living together can be a powerful way to strengthen and deepen your relationship,” says Marshall Miller, author of Unmarried to Each Other: The Essential Guide to Living Together as an Unmarried Couple. “But if you make that leap before you’re both ready, it can harm your bond.”

Contemplating sharing an address with your man? Take a look at the checklist below—if you agree with five or more of the following statements, call the movers.

We typically spend five or more nights together each week. The more often you hang out, the better sense you’ll have of what it will be like to share a pad. Plus, you’ll go in with realistic expectations. If you know ahead of time that he leaves his dirty clothes all over the apartment and has an aversion to emptying the dishwasher, you won’t be as up in arms about these things when you live together. Miller also suggests gaging how you feel about spending nights apart. “If you look forward to sleeping alone and having your own space, that might indicate you’re not ready to move in with him.”

We’ve been dating for a minimum of six months. We tend to put our partners on a pedestal in the beginning of a relationship and are blind to their imperfections. For that reason, it’s important to wait until that honeymoon period ends before moving in. “After six months, you know your partner well, have a clear picture of the relationship, and know what you’re getting into, warts and all,” says Miller.

We’ve gone on a week-long vacation together and had a great time. When living together, you’ll have to make tricky joint decisions, like how to divide chores and expenses. A trip tests these same skills on a smaller scale. If you can agree to pay for the plane tickets while he foots the hotel bill, chances are you’ll be able to successfully navigate larger issues. Even more important: spending 24/7 together forces you to examine how much you enjoy each other’s company.

I have a drawer of clothes at his place and toiletries in his medicine cabinet and visa versa. You’ve already begun easing into cohabitation by merging your belongings, which is a sign that you’re ready to take it a step further, according to Miller. It also shows that you’re comfortable and enthusiastic about sharing your space.

We’ve had a conversation about the future and expressed that we want to be together long-term. It’s key that you’re in sync about life plans—i.e., you both want to move to Chicago or have kids in the next five years. “And make sure you’re on the same page about why you’re moving in together,” warns Miller. If one of you sees it as a precursor to getting engaged, and the other is doing it because it’s practical, don’t bother unpacking your boxes.

When we disagree, we can work through it and reach a solution that feels fair and reasonable for both of us. Living together is all about compromise, so if you’re able to address problems and resolve them, it’s a good indicator that you’ll be able to smooth over any bumps in the road while sharing a space. We want to be with each other as much as possible. Sure, splitting the rent and utilities is helpful, but it shouldn’t be your prime motivation.

4 Ways to Help Her Chill

When your girl is stressed, bummed out, and
generally having a crappy day, you can mellow her
mood — and win major brownie points in the
process — by cribbing these tips.

Start the WaterworksRunning your girl a soothing bath or a hot shower is not only a brilliant way to get her naked, but it also will make you look like a hero.

"When you go out of your way to create a calming space for her, it shows that you care about making her happy and helping her feel good," says stress expert Kathleen Hall, author of A Life in Balance. She suggests going the extra mile by leaving a book or magazine (Cosmo, natch) by the tub and drizzling relaxing lavender oil in the water (you can find it at most drugstores).

Pour Her Fave Libation

If you know your girl has had a rough day, meet her at the door with a frosty lemonade or chocolate milk, or crack open her favorite bottle of wine so it's ready for her as soon as she gets home. "Many people have mental associations with tastes and flavors, so when you take a sip or a bite of a particular treat, it immediately brings you back to that comforting place," explains Hall. Meaning: Your private happy-hour surprise is bound to have a soothing effect on her emotional state.

Give Her a Rubdown

There's a reason why people shell out major cash for massages: because they feel so damn good. But why should she have to pay for a pro when she has your strong hands at her disposal? "A simple back scratch or five-minute shoulder rub will release a lot of tension very quickly," says psychologist Martha Davis, PhD, of Santa Clara, California. Not a professional masseur? No problem. "To relax her instantly, ask where her stress points and knots are — whether they're in her back, her feet, or her neck — and offer to rub them out slooowly," Davis adds.

Take Her Away

It's hard for her to tune out her daily stresses when her (and your) cell is ringing like crazy and there's a pile of dirty dishes in the sink. So if you really want to help her unwind, take her out of the usual routine. "All you need to do is create a little sanctuary in the bedroom," suggests Davis. "Escaping from the grind will help her forget — at least for a little while — everything she has on her plate at the moment." Turn off both of your mobiles, light some candles, and bring her dinner in bed so it really feels like a treat. Postmeal, she'll be in prime position to engage in the ultimate stress-buster.

THE NICEST GIFT EVER

THE NICEST GIFT EVER

The other day a friend was about to chuck out some wilted roses. We'd just been having a heart to heart about his fiancé and he'd confided in me that when she's upset or aggravated it helps to 'put her in water'. Smiling at his wit and wisdom, I grabbed the roses.

'Mmm, wait. Water isn't just good for bad moods,' I replied. 'Run her a bath with her favourite oils, and sprinkle the petals all over the water. Just because.'
He did. He even made a trail of petals leading to the bathroom. I can tell you it got them in the mood! But then again, you never can tell…

I once met a hot, Californian, lover in the sultry city of Istanbul and was surprised to find myself drowned in gifts. It was a gift enough to see his face, his arms and his smile again after five months apart. He gave me clothes, trinkets from San Francisco and even Jelly Bellies (which are hot property on the sweet tooth market, mind you. Especially on the edge of the Middle East, where oil is gold and water is diamonds!). Feeling like I'd just gotten the cream and the cat, I looked at him in wonder and wondered what next. Then he dropped the bomb. He'd had more lovers in our few months apart than I'd had in my whole life and he hadn't bothered to tell me, as we'd agreed. He'd also decided that as much as he wanted a fairytale adventure with me in the land of blue turbans and bright skies, he didn't want a relationship beyond that – even though he said he was 'deeply in love' with me.

His guilt – not his love and adoration – had prompted him to spoil me and that really spoilt it for me. But being a slow learner in the Art of Love and a bit of a sucker for the promise of love (even when it's just been broken), I gave in to the illusion. But after Turkey, and a lot of heartbreak, I gave away all his lovely little gifts. To bergies (and friends who'd warned me about him).
The lesson? The real gift is in the intention. Find out why he's doing what he's doing before you gush your 'Thank Yous'. And if you really mean it, spoil him right back with something sublime.

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